EPICALITY IN CRACK FORM PART 1

"We have a huge kablammy problem," The Peppermint Lord said uneasily to the Madisaur and Ravenfox.  He took a huge DRAMATIC POSE while the camera zoomed in on him, and did a Dramatic Chipmunk look while he said epically, "WELL…BACON LORD HAS DECLARED WAR ON THE KINGDOM."

EPIC GASP courtesy of Ravenfox and Madisaur.

"WHUT?" Madisaur gasped, beginning to defy the laws of nature by flying around crazily with her lavender, feathery premature wings of feathers, as she did when she was presented with a problem.

Confetti began to fall from the heavens for no reason whatsoever as Ravenfox began to flail, freaking, in slow motion.

"CALM YOURSELVES!" Peppermint Lordo boomed, and the two were SILENCED.

"Okeyizzle, what we up against?" Madisaur asked awesomely.

"First, an army of vampire bidoof, that has 50 kajillion members,"

"I can take 'em.  What else?" Madisaur asked.

"Then, they have 60 bazillion waffle warriors."

"Psh."

"And leading them is Grell Sutcliff, Rayquaza, and Ezio."

"HOSHIZ WE'RE SCREWED!" The two epic creatures exclaimed in perfect synced unision form.

"I mean, FO REAL!  That Italian dude can kill people just with his awesome alone!" Ravenfox flipped out.

"And Grell!  What if he gets chain-saw happy?  SHIZ IS GON' GO DOWN." Madisaur also flipped.

"RAYQUAZA IS CHUCK NORRIS IN DRAGON FORM!" A random fat dude in the background exclaims hysterically, and then mysteriously falls down with a dagger in his back.

"Who do WE have?"  Madisaur asked Lord Peppermintyizzle.

"Well, we have all of your characters, if they agree to fight, and…we have…50 kajillion white flipperdoodles."

"But flipperdoodles are only strong in a solar eclipse!" The zombie fat dude shrieks, and then dies again as a dragon swallows him whole.

"This is TROO!" Madisaur freaks out, with a "NAR HAR HEEEE!"

"But we also have…a SECRET WEAPON," The Peppermint Giant Guy thing says as the camera once again does an epic zoom on his sugary face.

"Hellz yeah, and it's called Silas! 8D"  That smiley face intruded into my story.  I shall pay Ezio to assassinate it with live chickens…later.

"Hell NO I'm not getting involved in your crack story!" Da pretty vampy exclaims from a random rooftop cuz he's cool like dat.

"BUT YOU'RE IN IT NOW!" Madisaur shouts back up.

Silas suddenly screams as he notices he is tied to a cliché metal board of metalyness and a LAZER FUN-GUN is pointed at the beautimousness that is his face.

"PLEASE JOIN LIZZLE.  JOOOOOOOOOIN." Madisaur demands MENACINGLY.

Lizzie nods slowly, and he is free back on his rooftop again.

"No, I don't mean him.  I mean…the Epic One."

Madisaur and Ravenfox gasp at the epicness that is this name that the person is…the name that…refers to this epic person.

"THE EPIC ONE?" They repeat, looking at each other like, "WHUT?"

The narrator has notices the random change of verb tense, but ignores it.  And points it out to you.

"Yes.  The one that makes women pregnant with one look.  The one that turns Chuck Norris gay.  THAT epic one," The Peppermint Thingy clarifies.

"Well…I have to go get my invisible Madisaur beard shaved," Madisaur says, flying away.  Madisaur didn't want to be a part of this war thing.  She had a JOB: People's faces to lick, candy to eat, highness to make…

Sweeney Todd was waiting in his cliché barbershop gloomy place, and smiled cordially as the Madisaur flew in.  He frowned as he realized she had no hair to cut as a loophole to kill the thing.

"Miss, where's your hair?  I can't cut anything if you haven't any hair," He says in his awesome Cockney accent.

"My non-existent, invisible lady beard!  Don't you see it?!" Madisaur exclaims, flailing and pointing.

Todd nods slowly, not quite comprehending, but starts to sharpen his sharpity knife of sharpness anyways.  "Take a seat," He commands.

"Bleewoo!" Madisaur roars with a nod, sitting.  Although, her dinosaur rumpus is too big for the human-sized chair, and it is most uncomfortable.

Sweeney starts humming some song about pretty women as he puts the cream on the Madisaur's purpley chin.  Madisaur asks, "WAI YOU SINGING, BRAH?"

"Because I like to sing show tunes before I kill something," Sweeney clarifies, and before he has time to say, "Oops.", he is swiftly kicked out a window into a vat of broccoli that smells of brimstone (which is a nice way to say it smells of--)

EEEEEEEEPIC PAUSE.  INTESNE NARRATOR VOICE START:

WHAT WILL HAPPEN?  OMIGOSH, SO INTENSE, MAN.  IT'S A CLIFFHANGER.  AN EPIC BATTLE AWAITS.  STAY TUNED…INTO…THIS THING…..
…

…

…YES.